Lister

By Morten Grønborg 
Translated by Rebekka Kirk

‘Good afternoon ROS-KIL-DE’. Kristian, who is captain and second in command for the Battle Troops against The Imperialistic Quarry (BTTIQ – KDIG in Danish), keeps his troops in order. The army leaders can muster three platoons all in all.

The quarry is a money pit

‘Good afternoon sir captain,’ a rhythmic salute erupts from a total of 15 top tuned soldiers. The mission is clear: Lost land must be reclaimed from the quarry which each year eats its way into the area heading comprising the festival site.

The explanation is that the quarry is both evil and capitalistic. ‘It’s a money pit and must be stopped because it’s devouring the festival’ says chairman Lao, who as the spiritual guide and highest ranking person in the camp, is above having a civil first name.

‘It’s eating our tents. And recently it took our flag. It is flagrant; yes the work of the devil’.

Elbows as pistons

Captain Kristian orders his soldiers to get down on all fours. It is time for push-ups. ‘And one! And two! And three!’. The elbows move like pistons in a well-oiled machine. The soldiers demonstrate willingness to act; the army is like one organism where everyone knows their place. However, several burst into spontaneous disapproval towards the quarry, but are immediately called to order. ‘This is not the American army!’ There are clear sympathies for the Red Army. That is also why the most willing soldiers are wearing berets red as blood.

Subsequently, the desire to spread knowledge of the battle is great. ‘China is on our side’ the chairman says. Someone else believes that the British army will come to the rescue, a statement which unleashes punishment from the others. You must know your allies.

‘We urge all 100,000 people at Roskilde Festival to join and participate in the battle’ captain Kristian proclaims. ‘Fill it up! Throw the gravel back. If we are enough people, we can do something great.’

The request has hereby been passed on. Orange Press recommends that the leaders of the army initiate collaboration concerning technical assistance from Camp Bob the Builder. The aforementioned can also be found at the festival.